as i write this post, my heart is breaking apart and tears are rolling down constantly.
i just hope that the water from the shower head could just rinse the pain away.
It was hard to leave home, a place i regarded as home. Especially leaving behind my family. Strangely enough, being in a foreign place has taught me to appreciate my family better than before.
Every time i call home and talk to my mum, it hurts me to hear of happenings at home. Sometimes i wished i were there, maybe i could have made things better (or worse). Other times, i am glad that i no longer have to witness those situations and feel the pain first hand.
The recent call saw my tears gushing down like a stream. My mum spoke of my two (younger) sisters who weren't helping out in the house, nor contributing to anything. All they do is procrastinate and indulge in self-pity. I couldn't help but feel her pain. I agree with my mum. They are totally good for nothing. It wonders me what they could have done more with their lives if they were to be more productive.
One is already 21, the other 16. Contrastingly, teens in the US the same age would have been more independent and self-motivated.
I understand what puberty and teenage rebellion is all about. Been there, done that. Believe it or not, i even wrote them hate-email a week ago because i couldn't even depend on them for a simple task. An email like that probably didn't help much. I almost wished i could scream at them, like how i used to. But i guess there's no point.
Can you imagine???? Writing hate-mail to your own sisters???? YEAH, trust me it was THAT bad.
Maybe i've grown older and somewhat wiser. I've realized that no matter how much a person can nag and tell you what's good for you, you've got to experience it the hard way or your own way to convince yourself what's truly good.
I still care and love my sisters very much. But as an older sister, there is only that much i can do. It's their lives anyway and i sincerely wish they do not waste it away.
P.S: I'm fine.. don't worry about me.. i'll drown my sorrows in kahlua.
school commences in a week's time. wow so soon!
shouted by yell @
12:12 AM
