Alone in a foreign country, with few "frens"..you noe how lonely you are when u start eating sunday breakfasts in the dining hall all by yourself, pretending to prop a book and eat and read at the same time. It wasn't just the annual singles most-hated occasion, more so, i seemed to have lost my identity, amongst the crowd of people. Everything seems so superficial and intangible. Maybe it's just my first month, maybe i'm just overly paranoid, maybe it's just me in a different society.
Amidst the laughs and fun everywhere with people, I can't help but question their intentions and genuine feelings. I dunno about u, but i think the Caucasians are one of the rare people in the world who can play that game of hypocrisy better than any one of us.
They may say that they care and what not, but actions often speak louder than words. Maybe i shouldn't be too hard on myself. It is only just one month into semester, but it feels like it's already 5.
Perhaps college life is all about being 'alone' (read: independent) Doing stuff by yourself, coping with being by yourself and being happy with being by yourself.
I kinda feeling like i'm on a lost boat in the middle of the ocean, not knowing how to swim properly and afraid to swim ashore. I've never felt this lost in my entire life. Not even the first day of a new job. Golly, how will i be able to survive.
I feel left behind in most of my classes, the only 2 classes i'm 'stable' in are Calculus and Art 102. In the rest, i'm just one of the red blood cells flowing in the interstitial fluids.
shouted by yell @
2:10 PM
