if you can see this post, that's prolly becoz u can still remember this ol' address. i can't blog at brinkster today coz its down and out as usual. I really need a free host. I've began to realise why blogging doesn't seem all that fun anymore.
Firstly i find myself doing things and not telling anyone about it. It's all fun and laughter with people these days, not much about serious issues and matters. I feel that im clamming up, keeping things and problems to myself. I find it hard to share myself. Thus blogging seems such a chore and unproductive coz i hardly blog about my inner thoughts. Mostly i blog about the events (or lack of them) in my daily life, once in awhile i write about thoughts which happen to strike my mind. But these thoughts don't even scratch the surface of whatever problems or issues that have been plaguing me. It's not that i don't want to pen these emotions in words, somehow it's so much easier to let them stay at the back of my mind.
Secondly, im really sick of blogging. Not tired of writing my thoughts, giving it some voice and volume, but rather sick of blogging about my life. Some people find it comforting to let the whole world know what movie they watched, what they did, what interesting stuff happened that day. I'm losing this sense of comfort that i used to have when i started blogging. What is wrong? Until i have a nervous breakdown, i'll let you know what went wrong.
I've been trying to get an active life, hence the after-work dinners, movie sessions, squash games on sats etc. But why is it i still feel so empty, a feeling like my work is not finished yet. I begin to think that i lead two lives, the life of me outside is all fun and merry, the life at home is pain, anguish and sorrow.
I don't think anyone truely noes the real me. I'm still searching for my true self. I've lost all interest in everything. what should i do?
shouted by yell @
7:39 AM
